You're too gay

You know the one thing I like about living alone? I can be as gay as I want to be. I can watch Logo and the L Word all day and no one can tell me to do any different.....

In my relationship with 87 there were 2 things that killed me... one when she told me since I didn't have a child I didn't know how to raise one and the other was when she told me I was being too gay. I watched too many gay movies and things on TV. I guess I should have known then that things were going to end. I spent 22 years of my life not understanding or accepting myself and it hurt like hell to have the person who was supposed to care so much about me say that being myself was too much. The fact is that I'm gay! The fact is, I'm surrounded by straight all the time and I don't feel that it is a bad thing that when I turn to movies and TV when I want to feel like I'm not out there by myself. I've spent a long time feeling ashamed of the feelings I have.

My family and friends have been as accepting as they can be, but I think that a lot of them still harbor a hope that this is a phase and soon I will find a man and get married and have children. It's not a phase; I'm not going to change. Since I was a young kid I've been attracted to women. In high school, I spent so much time denying who I am and making an ass out of myself to prove to others that I was not "different". Now, I like to spend time doing things that don't make me feel "different". I love to go to places, watch movies and TV where I can feel the same as everyone else. I guess that I've lived so much of my life outside the box that I don't feel it is too much to want to be inside the box.....

Vodka and sushi

God, what a combination! So I didn't really have them together, but I've had them both tonight... Yes, it is another drunk post from me. You should all expect this by now. I went out with some of my friends for dinner and had a few too many after! We stopped by the Creepy Crawl to hear CP's cousin's band... I'm not sure what their name was... something to do with the news.... Kind of Doorsish.... Kind of punk.... Kind of a hot ass bass player..... A bit of a dirty looking girl.... that's kind of what I'd like about now... Sorry... too much information! Actually I wouldn't mind seeing the cowboy hat girl again.... Yeah, it's been a long time and it's taking a toll....

Am I the strangest person you know or what....

So when I was younger I loved to pretend I was the hood ordament on the front of my parents car.... I have no idea why.....

Sometimes I longer for the simple days...

Ok, so high school was not simple at all... Mine was drama filled. Being accused of trying to steal Sissy's boyfriend is not a lot of fun; especially when you are afraid to tell everyone exactly why there would be no possible way you would steal her boyfriend, or anyone's boyfriend for that matter! I had a nice little crush on the eldest Tag sister....

But I do miss the days of sitting in my parents room watching stupid USA shows with Aunt B....

And I miss those damn chocolate chip cookies she insists on tainting with oatmeal!!

Question of the day...

Why is it that you can fuck like a rockstar but when you strap your ass to exercise equipment you're lucky if you can last for a half hour?

Taking bets on if my truck will smell like ass again….

So I had to take my truck back in today for the same issue as before. I lied to the repair guy and told him I was supposed to pick up a loaner car. Really I think they should just have one for anyone who takes their car in, but you know how they are…. Oh well I don’t know if we have one….. Yeah, you should have seen him running around trying to make sure he had one there for me. It was really rather funny. Little do they know that when I go pick up my truck tomorrow I’m going to refuse to pay for them to have done the same work on it as they did before. I’m sure that will be funny!!

I’m also wondering if it will again have the funky ass smell... I don’t know what I’m going to do if it does because I can’t use a lot of those things to get rid of the smell because they make me want to vomit….

Hey you look like

So have you ever been told you look like a famous person and you think that person if full of shit?

When I was younger, I was told by several people that I looked like Mary Stuart Masterson....

Recently, I was told I look like a butch Charlize Theron. Of course when I think of a butch Charlize Theron, I think of her in Monster. Not really sure that was a complement at all, but I guess it was supposed to be.

I'm always amazed when someone tells me those kind of things because when I look into the mirror, I think of someone more like Kathy Kinney sans the pounds of make-up.

Every accidentally offered something???

So, today I offered to have Smash's brother's baby if he bought me a house.... Do you think there is some kind of moral code I'm breaking??? I offered it jokingly, but I'm afraid if she tells him, he might take me up on it. If he shows up at my door tonight we will know!!

who's on your list

Yeah, you know the one from Friends.... The these are the 10 famous people I can sleep with list if the opportunity ever arose..... I thought I would share mine... they are not in a specific order

1. Salma Hayek
2. Sarah Shahi
3. Neve Campbell
4. Elizabeth Shue
5. Julia Ormond
6. Jodie Foster
7. Sela Ward
8. Mary-Louise Parker
9. Terri Clark
10. Poppy Montgomery

Christmas at exit 82

Well Christmas is over.... I hope that everyone had a good holiday.

As always, Christmas at exit 82 was a little strange. However, this year was a bit different.

Christmas Eve

The family has been going to a different church because they are upset with the minister. So instead of going to church before dinner, we went at 11:00 pm. I liked the change! And the new church was kind of nice. Before church, we went to dinner at Aunt MJ's house. Sissy had to work so I got to hang out with Mr. GQ which was nice. I even got to eat at the "Adult" table!! Once dinner was over, the kids got to "open pesents" (as shouted by my 2 year old boyfriend). Once that was over, TBob, AJ, Mello and I went ambulance chasing. Apparently some drunk put his hand thru a truck window. When we got back, I loaded up my truck with the bikes for Bombers kids and headed off to stash them in his garage. Then I was back to my parents house to pick up Dad for church while my Mom took Bomber to the hospital because he was having chest pains. Dr. Shug told him to take a shot of Jack and calm the fuck down, but did he listen to me?? NO! So he got an IV port and a shot in the stomach and came back around 5:00 am.

Christmas Day
Everyone came to Mom and Dad's for the traditional Christmas breakfast. TBob was the first to show up since AJ had to be at work at 8:00 am. He took pictures of my bedhead to send to AJ at work for a little laugh! I'm sure she as thinking "Who wants to wake up to that in the morning!"

After breakfast we started fixing Christmas Dinner. We had Pot Roast. Bomber and I fixed deviled eggs and salad. It was fun to hang out with him without everyone else around. He can be really cool sometimes!

Then it was into the livingroom to watch Da Bears kick some Packers ass!! Towards the end of the game my Dad came in and I was yelling at him because they started to play crappy! He refused to leave the room so I made him cover his head with a blanket! Do you think that was mean of me??? I don't think so!!

I was in bed by 8:30 that night because we were up late the night before....

Anyway, it ended up being better than I expected....

Merry Christmas!!

So really it isn't Christmas yet, but I'm off to exit 82 for the weekend. I will not be able to post anything because I can hardly get a moment to myself, let alone share a moment with all my readers. I've kind of been procrastinating today as I'm kind of sad. In my family, I will be the only one there without a significant other. I'm dealing a lot better with this fact, however it is rather lonely, especially when I'll be in a room full of couples. Wonder if I'll have to sit at the kids table.... At this moment, that wouldn't be a bad idea!

Anyway.... I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas! May you have a day filled with joy and happiness!

Love,
Shug

Missing the farm...

So I was driving home from shopping this evening and a strange feeling came over me....

I guess in part it was because of the letter in the Christmas card I got from one of my aunts.... Actually it was not really a letter but an invitation to a New Year's eve gathering at her house. On the invitation one of the reasons she gave for the party was "To keep alive a family connection"... That phrase flashed me back to trips we took to my Dad's uncle's farm in Oklahoma. The farm had been in the family for generations. Every summer we used to drive down and spend what seemed like forever there (really it was only a week). Usually we brought my Grandma along because it was her brother's farm. I remember spending all day outside playing in the red dirt and climbing on the bails of hay in the hugh barn. But the best thing was when we stayed up till all hours of the night playing card games my aunt taught us. I haven't been there in about 6 years. And the worst thing of all is I will never be able to see the farm again because my uncle sold it about 2 years ago and moved in town. There is nothing left of the house or barns. It is all farmland now.

God it sucks to get older!!!

Strange things you do when you're a kid...

So today we were talking about things we did as children and I had to share some of the dumbest things the 5 of us did. (My brother {Bomber} and I grew up living next door to my 2 cousins{girls Red and Sissy} and behind the alley from another {boy Tbob}. There is a 7 year gap between the oldest and the youngest.)

For some reason at work we were talking about kids playing with fire. I had to tell the story about the time Tbob, Bomber and I were playing war at my Grandma's house. My Grandma's house had a 2 car attached garage. One side was set up with a gas stove so that she had room to make her annual 1,200 lbs of peanut brittle (which my Mom and her sisters have carried on although they only make about 30 lbs a year). So the boys and I were making paper air plans and flying them around pretending that they were at war. Then we got a crazy idea that it would be cool to use the gas stove to light the plans on fire. We were having a good old time until my aunt came out and started yelling.

After talking about this, I was reminded of another strange thing we did..... I can remember several times during the winters roping our sleds (the ones with the metal runners) up to the back of my uncle's truck and riding on them as he drove around a parking lot. It is a wonder we didn't get run over!

I also remember years when the snow was so deep that we could dig tunnels. We dug several tunnels and I can remember hanging out in them for what seemed like hours (probably only 1/2 at the most).

Sorry about last night...

I'm sure you all missed me last night....

I was invited to dinner at CP and Boobilicious' house. I must say that dinner was fantabulous!

Strange things I heard today

Driving to work this morning I was listening to the news and heard the story about 400 pounds of explosives that were stolen from a business in Arizona. Not only did they say 400 pounds, but 150 of it is C-4 plastic. The comforting thing is they kept saying that they do not believe it is the work of terrorists. HOW THE HELL DO THEY KNOW?!?!?!?

In the check out lane I saw the headlines that Angelina had a lesbian affair. WHO THE FUCK DIDN'T KNOW THAT?!?!?!

And, on the way home I was listening to the Bob Edwards show on National NPR. He had the author of Men who stare at Goats. Needless to say it was a very interesting conversation. The title of the book is from a study conducted where a man would pick out a specific goat in a room full of goats and try to make their heart explode by staring at it for hours. They were also talking about the PsyOps in the military and the book covers paranormal studies conducted by the military for the last 30 years. They also mentioned, MK ultra. From what I understand is the LSD study the military conducted on unsuspecting civilians.

And finally, I watched the season finale of Nip/Tuck. Very strange!

Fire, fire, fire

So today at work something in our building caught on fire and we had to evacuate. Actually we are told that the something was a blower in the ceiling of the 6th floor (which just happens to be the floor we are on). It smelt strange and everyone was hurrying around. Normally we would have just thought it was one of our fire drills (it seems we are the only building downtown that has them) but we just had a drill last week. Mind you, it is like 20 below outside and you are expected to leave everything and exit the building. Everyone was running around getting coats and purses.... There was even one lady going down the stairs with a box! So after being outside for about 1/2 hour we were allowed to go back inside. When we got back upstairs, there were 5-6 firemen* looking up at our ceiling. About 15 minutes later, there was another strong burning smell and of course I'm checking with everyone if we should report it because I sure the heck don't want to be stuck up there when the place starts burning. We were told it was from the heat being turned back on and it would dissipate. It finally did!

*Yeah, there were only firemen, no firewomen. That sucks ass! Where are all the hot firewomen??

BDD on Oprah

So I was catching up on all the things I Tivoed this weekend and ended up watching the Oprah show with the 28 year old who has had 26 plastic surgery operations. I saw the commercial about it and couldn't believe it, so I had to watch. The illness is Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It is amazing because all of the people who were on the show were better than average looking. They were all under the age of 30 (there were only 3). Jenny (the 28 yr old with the 26 operations) didn't even look like a real person as a matter of fact, she couldn't even breath with her nose if she didn't have Q-tips handy to open up her nostrils. She reminded me (and Oprah) of a certain pop star (she actually requested his nose). Oprah had commented on the show how the surgeons who perform these operations should feel an obligation to tell these people they cannot have any more operations! The odd thing is that she did not continue with that train of thought. She switched subjects..... I wonder why....

Da Bears Rock!!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!! WooooHoooo!!!

My Bears won last night! Vick couldn't figure out how Urlacher knew where he was at all times!!!

The beer song

Ok, has anyone heard "the beer song" by Psychostick? I must say that is the BEST name for a band!! They are actually unsigned and you can only buy their CD on their website. I suggest tuning in to your local hard rock station to see if they are playing it. If anyone has XM, listen to xL Squizz (48 I think) and you should be able to catch it.

Whirlwind trip to exit 82

I'm finally back from my trip to exit 82. I made the trip because my 6 year old boyfriend was bored and wanted me to come up. Actually I needed to go anyway to do my 200 loads of laundry. I'm such a loser!! Anyway, while I was there I hung out with my 2 boyfriends (the 2 year old was especially affectionate). We had some awesome pizza, chatted and watched the Christmas Caper (those Penguins from Madagascar). We were laughing our asses off and kept making farting noises! It was a lot of fun.

Today I forced my brother, bomber, to go shopping with me. I'm now 95% done. I'm very happy as I want to be finished with shopping because I spend more money than I should because I'm buying a bunch of crap for myself! I'm a bit worried because I ordered my Dad's present and I'm not sure it will be here in time. I guess he will just have to get over it! He knows I can be a dumbass sometimes!

I've also set my plans for Christmas so I will be away again for most of next weekend. Argh!!

Last day of 2005 vacation...

Hmmm what did I do today???

I jacked around most of the morning (not what I intended to do)... and finally got in the shower around 10:30. I wish I would have slept in, but for some reason I am not able to sleep past 7:30 on the days I have nothing to do. This pisses me off because on days when I need to be up by 6:30 I'm lucky if I can drag my ass out of bed by 7:15. The only thing I was thinking about doing this morning was to go pick up some more Christmas presents. I did not get that done since I had made lunch plans and had to haul ass over to the city.

My lunch date was with Boobilicious. I had a good time. We talked a lot about our families and some about CP, but we are going to keep that on the DL.... Wonder if that comment will get me an email...

Then I went to pick up wine for E-beth's present from the short bus gang (this is our team of 10) at work. I'm not good at wine, so I'm hoping what the lady at World Market told me is right....

Next it was over to work so we could exchange our gifts. I received a really nice picture frame with a print of SpongeBob. The frame is what I had on my list, the picture was because I have SpongeBob all over my desk.

Everyone bailed on happy hour after work because they all had excuses. I didn't want to go home so I forced E-beth to go out to dinner with me. We had a really good dinner and I had 3 tini's, the last of which was not so good. We also had a really good, long conversation. I consider her a good friend and find it odd that some of the stories she told tonight I have never heard before. We both talked about how fucked up we are and made a pact to force each other to work on our fuckupedness (yea, I like that made up word, don't you??) We also agreed that if I go out to breeder bars with her, she will go out to gay bars with me... I was considering making T-shirts for the occasion... What do you think about one that says "Sorry girls, these toys are for boys!" for her and "Sorry boys, these toys are for girls!" for me.... I think it would be a good conversation piece to say the least!

Christmas....

Who the fuck moved Christmas up to next week??? What the hell??? I thought I had another week to be prepared!!! I'm so screwed!!

Dave's top ten list tonight....

Ok, I'm watching Letterman and the top 10 list is what you would NOT like to hear at your office Christmas party.....

Tomorrow when I am posting after my office Christmas party we will see if any of those are true! I've already been warned that I could not have a repeat of last weekend when I could not drive myself home after the party! Smash is going to a concert and E-beth refuses to drive to the east side......

We will see. Maybe I will have to have a taxi take me home!

Last vacation days of the year...

So did you miss me???

It's true, today and tomorrow are my last vacation days of 2005. Last night I didn't get to post because my Mom came to spend the night with me. I didn't want her to think I was ignoring her by getting online. I also didn't want her to think that I was looking at porn or something.

I love my Mom so much, but I got no sleep last night! She snores, but that is not all. She also has an issue breathing so sometimes she moans. It was kind of like trying to sleep with porn playing on TV. No you sick asses, I wasn't turned on by it!!!

Last night before we got back here, we stopped at the store to get something for breakfast (this is because I still have not officially gone to the store... Going on 4 weeks now). Of all things, she wanted oatmeal because she is trying to get her cholesterol down. Let me tell you I cooked it for her this morning and that is some sick ass shit! It looked kind of like school paste with paper in it. Blech!!!

We then went and pick up Red and the girls (Z is 4 and Mc is 11 months). Z and Mc were wonderful the whole time! Mc now has her 4 front teeth, but still very little hair. When we first got to Red's I got to get Mc out of bed since she was just finishing her nap. Usually she cries if someone besides Red comes to get her but today she just kind of looked up at me like Ok dumb ass pick me up so we can hit the road!

Our day was supposed to be filled with Christmas shopping but turned out to be having lunch, getting pissed off at the toy store and going to play at the indoor playground in the mall. We tried to get Z and Mc to get a picture with Santa but Z refused and Mc went but refused to smile for the ladies trying to take the picture. She sat there for about 2 minutes and then gave Santa the funniest look up and down and looked back at Red as if to say "What the hell am I doing on this old man's lap?" Then came the tears!! Needless to say, there will be no pictures of the girls with Santa this year!

We then met up with Little Dick, TBob and AJ for dinner. Mom caught a ride home with TBob and AJ and I drove home.

I guess tomorrow I really have to go shopping. Argh!!

Is Nickelbag like half of Dimebag

For some reason we talk about the strangest things at work. This afternoon, Penguin though I was saying Nickelbag when I was talking about Nickelback today. Of course the Nickelbag comment got us going onto Dimebag and Penguin starts saying Dimebag loudly. Everyone started popping up in their cubicles and a whole discussion ensued about how the guitarist for Pantera was nicknamed Dimebag (Darrell Abbott) . E-beth started yelling from her office and the proceeded to come over because she could not believe who was yelling Dimebag. After everything calmed down, Penguin and I went of a a tangent about how she used drugs when she was younger because her husband was a professional musician in the 60's and that's what those kind of people during that time. She told me the story of going to her son's Dare class with all the other parents and non of the parents would admit to having used drugs and finally she admitted and others followed. When I tried to tell others about what she had told me, they thought I was lying. You have to understand that Penguin seems like a very conservative uptight woman. Imagining her lighting up would be as funny as imagining Laura Bush taking a hit!

Check this out for me....

As I was getting ready to leave work today, E-beth came running over and said, "I know this is gross, but just look and tell me..." What she wanted me to do is look at her nose to make sure she didn't have boogers hanging out. Of course I did it and laughed like hell because it seems I get picked for these tasks often because 87 asked me earlier in the day to do the same. Then of course I have to whip out the story from high school when on of my friend would once a month ask me to check out her ass when we were leaving Physics class to make sure there wasn't anything there.

I guess I just have that trustworthy look about me. Or maybe they think I really like to look at gross things... who knows. Next time I run into any of you and you're a little unsure about something, just ask me to take a look and of course I will do it!

My truck STILL smells like ass

Forgive me as I cannot remember if I told everyone about my truck smelling like ass or not... Remember way back to last week when I told you I picked it up from the shop? Well since then there has been this strange ass smell coming from somewhere inside the cab of my truck. I can't figure it out... I've looked from top to bottom thinking I'd left something in there and it had rotted (yeah I did that this summer with a tomato from my uncle's garden). I have not been able to find anything! So I thought I would be all cool and stick some fabric softener sheets under the seats to cover up the smell but my plan has backfired! Now, my truck smells like a combination of Snuggle and ass.... It is horrible!!! Do you think I can call up the guy who sold me the truck and tell him I'm pissed because whoever fixed my truck obviously had something on him (yes I'm being stereotypical) that has left a permanent funk in my truck? It is now the "funk truck"! I'm just going to have to trade the damn thing in because there is no way I could sell it outright.... I mean how the hell am I supposed to list that?

2001 extended cab Ranger XLT, 60,000+ miles, excellent condition, runs great, smells like ass $11,000?

Yeah, that would go over really well!!

Last night....

So my loyal readers I went out and got drunk off my ass last night. I had very little to eat the whole day (a bowl of cereal and some peanuts)* and drank like a fish. Mind you that it has been a long while since I’ve drank, to say the least got drunk of my ass. But there I was in the cold and dark, again explaining to CP how she was not the biggest jackass when we were dating. Of course this only came after the multiple shots of Hot Damn and the run in with the Cowboy hat girl. My apologies for anything inappropriate that I may have done!

I did however have a wonderful time at the party and would love to hang out with all of these women at some point when I have not drunk so much. As Boobilicious (this is CP’s new woman) was telling me this morning** I just need to get out and open up to people. If any of you know me, you know that it is extremely hard for me to do, but I’m trying like hell. A few weeks ago, I was considering not going last night. I went, I’m fine (I may have been laughed at by people last night, but do I really give a fuck? No!). Anyway, I’m now back in the comfort of my own bed suffering from an upset stomach and mild hypothermia. Just kidding with ya ladies you know I appreciate everything you did for me last night!!

*Not because I was refusing to eat, because I was being retarded and didn’t think I had enough time to since I left Smash’s house so late and I had to take a shower and be at CP’s by 6 as to not be late for the party.

**I’m very glad to know I have people who are caring enough to take me home so I don’t drive off drunk. Even if they were trying to turn me into a popsicle in the middle of the night.

drunk dialing

Yes, I was happy last night and calling all the non-relatives in my phonebook to let them know how drunk I was! Can I just say next time you see the drunk ass chick whipping out her cell phone please save her the embarrassment that will come on Monday morning when she has to work with these people!!

christmas cards

So I've done my traditional thing of buying christmas cards and letting them sit on the table while I think about sending them out. I don't usually get around to actually writing in them or sending them out. Last year, I signed them and put the address on most of them and then there they sat. So I got some kind of cute ones this year and maybe tomorrow I will actually go get some stamps and send them out. God I'm really lazy sometimes!

Broken truck

So I just picked my truck up from the dealer today. Somehow I broke the transmission. I had a Focus to drive while it was in the shop. I must say that I kind of liked the Focus... Zippy little car that it is, I didn't even notice when I was driving 85 on the highway. This morning while driving to work I missed my exit and had to drive at least 10 miles out of my way. At least I did it today and not tomorrow. We are expecting 1-4 inches of snow starting sometime tonight. I'm kind of glad that I have my truck to drive in the snow! I have a feeling if I still had the Focus I'd be off in the ditch in 2 seconds!

Christmas shopping

I'm the most horrible person on earth... Well ok, not really. I've been out shopping the last few days for Christmas presents for my family and I've only gotten a few presents. I tend to get bored looking for things for others because I have no idea what to get. So when I get bored, I start to look for things for myself. I guess the older I get, the less presents really mean. I mean think about it, you buy something for someone and then they buy something for you. Most of the time you are asking each other what they would like and you are buying them exactly what they tell you. Wouldn't it just be easier to save your money and buy the things yourself??? It is for me!! There are very few presents I've gotten over the last few years that I haven't told people I wanted. (And if you've ever dated me, you know I'm like a little kid and want everything!)

Cleaning and watching crap on TV

Yes, so my Saturday has so far been filled with cleaning my place from top to bottom... Well not really because I didn't clean the basement! But I have cleaned everything else, even the worst thing of all.... The toilet!

While cleaning, I had strange TV shows on for background noise... I watched some Christian minister in Utah marry his 3rd wife. Even though they aren't legally married, they are "spiritually" married. Please tell me how this is not a mockery of marriage but homosexual marriage is! From the damn bumper stickers, one stick man plus one stick woman = marriage.... I don't understand! (I actually do, but work with me here!)

I guess from now on, I will have to limit my background noise to movies I've seen 1,000 times like Fried Green Tomatoes or Someone Like You.....

Pondering lyrics at 2:00 am

So it is almost 2 and since I drove home from work this evening I haven't been able to get the lyrics of a song out of my mind... I've been thinking of what they mean to me and how much they could possibly mean to many homosexuals who are/were in love with closet cases....

Saying the love that we had was just selfish and sad
To see you now with him is just making me mad
Oh so kiss him again
just to prove to me that you can
and I will stand hereand burn in my skin

burn - Ray LaMontange