I think this will be a good place to stop....

Have you ever wondered why some people are allowed to drive??? I did on the way to my parents.... It is a little over an hour drive from my place to my parents. Most of the trip is spent on I55. Usually I enjoy the trip, however I guess I under estimated the amount of people that would be driving on Thanksgiving day. I guess I assumed they would have all wanted to wake up where they were going to be (unlike myself). For the most part, the only problem was the amount of traffice..... until... I got behind the 2 dumbest drivers ever! I was directly behind some a Grand Am who was behind a Minivan.... the Grand Am was riding the Minivan's ass so the Minivan got all pissed and put on the brakes.... here is where it gets stupid... instead of the Grand Am backing off, they kept on the Minivan's ass.... The Minivan got all pissed off and proceeded to stop in the middle of the road! I kid you not, I went from 65 to 25 in less than 500 feet.... The Minivan then pulled off to the side of the road to let the Grand Am and myself pass by.... I looked in the rearview mirror assuming that something had happened to make them stop so quickly, however to my surprise, they pulled back on just as quickly... Who the hell thinks this is a good way to get someone off your ass??? Usually you slow down and get over to the left so you can flip them off when they go by; or you floor it thinking that you will put enough distance between you and them that you won't have to worry about them again....

Thanksgiving weekend

As I'm sure you are aware by the lag between logs, I was away from computer access the past 4 days. I left on Thursday morning for a fun filled weekend with my family. I returned Sunday around 7 pm to a messy ass apartment! When I don't feel good, I don't clean the place.... I spent most of the evening cleaning and then had a nutritious dinner of cauliflower with cheese and chocolate chip ice cream with peanuts.... Hmmm I wonder why I've been sick the last couple of weeks....

The next few blogs are things I jotted down while away from technology....

The biggest loser...

Yes, I am officially the biggest loser!!! I started feeling better today and finally got my hair cut. I got a burst of energy and thought I would go to what is supposed to be the biggest party of the year at Novaks. I jumped in the shower, messed around with my newly cut hair to get myself looking all hot, got dressed and gave up! Yeap, that's right, I gave up! I must be the dumbest lesbian ever... At Novaks I'm sure there are hundreds of hotties shoved into the area around the bar and I'm sitting a home thinking of the only woman I want to be with. God, I miss her! I miss every little thing.... I miss sitting and talking for hours about nothing... I miss the way that she smells, the way she walks, the way she drinks a Coke... Suffice it to say, I miss every single thing, even the annoying things.... I am hopeless!! I should realize that she will never reconsider and get on with my life.... I think the last couple of weeks have been especially hard since I've been sick...

Oh well, at least I now feel better enough to update my blog...

My voice is gone....

Over the last four days I have not been able to speak very well. I sound like a horrible Peter Brady. I coughed so hard this weekend that I think I broke something in my right lung and my throat. I finally called the doctor again and asked for stronger drugs in an attempt to get better. I picked it up tonight on my way home from work. Hopefully I will be better soon...

I give up

Yes, I have finally given into my sickness and I'm staying home from work today... I have no voice (audible that is). I can blog only because my computer is right next to my bed and I have a wireless mouse and keyboard! I have not been in bed all morning though because I woke up at 2:30 am so I've been on the couch watching things I've Tivoed. I'm all caught up for tonight as this is the night I watch TV most. I've talked to the family pharmacist and got the all clear to take a sleeping aid so I can actually get some sleep.... Maybe when I wake up later I'll tell you some more wonderful stories.... as for now, it is off to dreamland!

30 going on 3

Yes, I know I promised another installment of the vomit weekend, however I have more important things to vent about.

Over the last 2 weeks I have come down with illnesses that to me should be limited to those under the age of 10. It started with an ear ache and a trip to the doctor. Not only did I have the ear infection, I was also prescribed ear drops. I has been over 20 years since I have had ear drops! And can I just say that it is even harder to try to put drops in your own ears than it is to put them in the ears of a 3 year old.... Oh yeah, and the topper to the whole trip was when the doctor asked if I had stuck anything in my ear. "Why yes, I was jamming my pen in my ear before I came just to see if you would be able to tell...." I don't really think that was my doctor's idea, but the idea of the med student that examined me first and went back to her with his diagnosis. Could you imagine that conversation?
Med student: I think the patient has been sticking things in her ear.
Doctor: How old is the patient?
Med student: 30
Doctor: You really think that she was sticking things in her ear? Did you ask her?
Med student: Ummm, no?


Yesturday I took another trip to the doctor because I thought I had a sinus infection and that it was draining down my throat making it hard to swallow. After being checked over by the med student, the doctor came in and checked me over. After taking one look in my throat my doctor asked me several times if I had a fever. First of all, that is the first thing the nurse did when I came in and my temp was 98.7. I insisted that I hadn't had a fever but I'm not sure either of them believed me, because they said that with my tonsils being so large, I should have had a fever. Yes, there is my 2nd diagnosis that should be limited to those under the age of 10. I also have the sinus infection that I had originally thought the diagnosis would be.

So I'm wondering what my next illness would be... anyone have any good ideas of things that should be limited to those under 10 that I should attempt to contract????

Anyone want to hear about my weekend full of vomit??

Oh to be me...

Yes, every night this weekend was filled with a six year old boy waking up in the middle of the night to vomit... Over the next few posts prepare to be grossed out!!

My weekend actually began Thursday evening (amazingly there was no vomit that night)... I'm sure that you are all jealous that I have bankers hours!! My night was spend in front of the TV eating Imo's and watching ER.

Friday I did not get to sleep in because I am determined to get a better job! I went to SIUE to check out the college and find out how much I will have to work my ass off the next 5 years to become a Pharmacist. Yes, I will be taking lots of math and chemistry beginning in January so I might not get to update you as much as I have been (sense the sarcasm??). I'm hoping that I will not have to repeat any classes as I have no desire to sit through a Philosophy class... I wonder if my Religion class will pass off as a good replacement.... I was actually very impressed with the college as the School of Pharmacy is new to the campus so the buildings and all equipment is new. Also, if you are accepted into the program you get a brand new Dell laptop that is yours until you graduate. The only negative thing that I would have to say was that the entire day was geared to high school students... Why can't they have something similar for transfer/graduate students?? I did not enjoy spending the day with everyone's parents asking insane questions!

Once the tour of the buildings was over, I was off to hang out with my cousins and the little kids. It is so much fun to hang out with kids because they laugh at everything you do!! I don't even have to make sense! We had KFC for dinner and spend 20 minutes looking for the chicken leg bone that we are still convinced is hidden somewhere in my cousin's house... I'm sure they will find it once it starts to smell!! We are still unsure if it was actually hidden by my 6 year old boyfriend or if he threw it in the trash. I'm hoping like heck he trashed it!! Then, my boyfriend insisted to spend the night at someone's house instead of his own. He ended up coming home with me. He had a snack of Vanilla wafers and coke and then we were off to bed to watch cartoons before falling asleep. Sounds pretty quite huh? Yeah right... About 1:00 am he started coughing.... By the time I could get up and get a towel from the bathroom he had puked in the bed... I'll will give it to him, he tried to puke only in his hands, however it is not easy to hold vomit in your hands. I stripped the bed and inspected all the covers to see what had to be bagged up so the horrible smell would go away. Luckily he did not get the puke on my down comforter! Once I had new sheets on the bed we went back to sleep. Needless to say after that happened, I woke up every time he moved!

So that was my excitement Friday night.... Stay tuned for Saturday.

Singles night out....

Ok so in my last post I apologized for not writing with the lame explanation of "I moved and it took me a month..." So now I'm back and I'm supposed to have all of this exciting stuff to say. Well, if any of you know me very well you will know that I can talk endlessly about stupid things, however when it comes to the important things I'm at a loss for words...

Ok, so what does any of this have to do with the title of this post? Nothing really... You are just getting the ramblings of a drunken single lesbian after her 2nd lame attempt at a singles night... Oh my adoring friends, I'm kind of toasted right now and must confess my lameness and you are the lucky few!! HaHa, I bet you will never read this blog again!!

So, anyway here is my experience. I went to Novaks, a popular lesbian/gay bar in the Metro area to see my ex's girlfriend compete in a local Idol competition. May I just say that tonight, she was the best signer there... one of the other girls was right on her ass, but she was the best this week. I do however wish she would pick other songs besides country to sing.... maybe some Norah Jones or Cowboy Junkies or some kind of bluesy shit like that... Anyway in conjunction with the Idol competition there is a singles night. Last week I wondered in with only 1/2 hour left, however this week I got in for a big old hour of the bright lights so everyone could see the big ass sticker on my shirt.... Yeah world, I'm single now. And can I just say that it sucks big ass!! I don't really want to meet someone in a bar... I mean yeah, it is nice to meet people in a bar, but I don't think I could be with someone who spends a lot of time at the bar... especially on the weekdays.... Kind of makes you wonder what kind of job they have.... but hey, I was there so that's not saying much!! Anyway... the whole idea of singles night is kind of strange to me... I guess it is because I'm plastering some sticker on my ass and letting everyone and their brother know I'm single... I must be crazy... Yeah well how is this for crazy... I sat on my bar stool the whole night and couldn't find the guts to speak to anyone..... not even anyone in the group I was sitting with (the ex's clan of friends)... I'm sure they were amazed that this fucktard made it out of the house again to sit on a bar stool like a dumb ass!! Anyway, the whole point of my story was even though I was sitting there like a dumb ass I got to observe which is always really funny.... There was the quintessential gay couple making out in front of me... the butchy woman walking around picking up after us and smashing glasses on the table infront of me so my lap was covered in shards of glass... and the funniest thing of all was the middle aged woman with the slicked back gray hair sucking on an ice cube and then rubbing it all over her face and neck as if to say "Yes I am right in the middle of a hot flash and I'm proud of it!" Oh if I were any braver, I would have talked to the hottie that sat next to me most of the night, however as I have said before and I'm sure you will hear me say again, I'm a social dumb ass!!!

Well, we'll see what happens next week... as for now, I'm off to curl up in my bed and watch TV until I fall asleep....

I'm a lazy ass!!!

Oh yes I do realize I'm the worst blogger ever!! I think I do have a good excuse... I took all of last month to move into my new place. Yeah I know it doesn't take a month to move.... I guess you could say I was dragging my feet!! I really must like to torture myself!! Yes, I'm sure that's what it is!! I need to learn to be the person who tears the bandaid off in one tug instead of pulling it off hair by hair....

So now I'm back and will hopefully keep you updated on all the happenings.... Remind me tomorrow to tell you all about my first few experiences listening to the Nancy Grace show on XM radio's CNN Headline news channel!!