things I did yesterday....

Bonded with the boys….. Since I am without my truck and driving the late model Moon Chicken, my Dad and the Bomber volunteered to pick me up yesterday for my trip to exit 82. The hour was spent harassing Dad about his driving and bitching about gas prices….

Officially became a cartoon character…. After being at exit 82 for about ½ I went outside to see what my uncle was planting in the garden. As I took a step closer to the garden, I stepped on the tines (I guess that’s what they are called) of his garden rake and the handle came up and hit me on the left side of my head. Of course, the Bomber, my uncle and W thought it was the funniest thing! We have decided that this is the 3rd thing on my list of bad things happening to me…. (Bad things always happen in threes).

Played a straight girl….. Sissy’s husband Tech-man, W and E went to the town to get a set of attic stairs and groceries for dinner…. I’m sure many of the people staring at us were wondering if we were really married, especially the woman with the red glasses, in the grocery store, who kept checking me out….

Made dinner for the family…. We grilled pork chops (half seasoned with Caribbean jerk, the other with Andrea’s steak marinade) and a potato, onion and garlic pouch seasoned with dill.

Went to bed…… Had a crazy dream featuring the hot bass player….

Is this month over yet?

So on the way to work this morning I got in a car accident. The car in front of me slammed on her brakes to avoid hitting one of those orange construction barrels and I couldn't lock my brakes up fast enough to avoid hitting her. Once I realize I wasn't going to stop, things seemed to happen in slow motion. We pulled off the exit and I called 911. I was shaking so much I could hardly hold the phone. I then called work and left a freaky ass message on my friend's phone. When I finally got to work, everyone was telling me that I needed to go to the hospital to get checked out. I, of course, am too stubborn for that! Since I am going to the doctor tomorrow, I figured I could just get checked out there. I'm up right now because my neck is sore.....

This month sucks and I'm so ready for it to be over! I leave for vacation in 25 days and am so ready right now I can hardly stand it!

Bree and her Christmas dick

Yep, that's what I need me some of.... Bree and her Christmas dick....

Yeah, I know that most of you have no idea what I'm referring to, so let me splane it to you....

While I was at college, I lived on campus the first 2 years. Freshman year, I had a freak of a roommate who only lived with me for about 3 months.... With this bad experience in mind, my Sophomore year I was a bit afraid of who would show up.... In walked Bree! I must admit that at first I was afraid... She was this wild and crazy looking woman who could give a shit of what anyone thought of her. She hung up a GWAR poster and wore black most of the time. After we got to know each other, I was more comfortable. I must say, there was at a point in time that I had a crush on her! I can remember when she got her "flying monkey" tattoo and she would ask me to put the slave on it so it didn't dry out. During the year we had a good time but being the lame ass I am, my crush for a straight girl took up most of my attention. By the end of the year, I had moved most of my things out with the straight girl. I've kept up with Bree over the years thru mutual friends from college.

A couple of years ago, one of our friends from college got married and Bree was asked to write a story to be read at the ceremony. That was the first time I had seen her in years. CP, Biscuit and I met up with Bree and had a lengthy conversation with her about her living in New Orleans.... This is when she told us about Christmas dick.... Although she has made a emotional commitment with another woman, they had an open relationship and she was hooking up with a man. She has always been pretty blunt and told him upfront that if he expected to put his dick inside her, he had better be opened to her fucking him in the ass with Christmas dick. Of course we were all wondering "Why do you call it Christmas dick?" Well the answer is because it is so big that the reaction is similar to that of a child opening a present on Christmas morning....

A couple of weeks later, the happy couple had a party for all their friends from the Metro area. Bree had not returned to New Orleans because she wanted to visit with a few more friends... I had gotten completely blasted* and ended up trying to avoid Biscuit so I could smoke a cigar. Once the cigar incident was over, Bree and I sat at the bar, drank more and I rolled her a couple of her hand rolled cigarettes. We then slow danced to a Sarah Mac song. It was on that dance floor while she was holding me tight and we were both singing to each other I realized that I still had a bit of a crush on her...

*This was the infamous night I crawled across the kitchen floor crying because I could not remember how to take a shower!

This week's update....

Yeah so this week has been really shitty!

Monday and Tuesday were uneventful, except that I was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown.... Ya see, Mom was scheduled to have knee surgery on Wednesday and she called Tuesday morning to say she might not have it due to an infection. That afternoon, she called back and said that it was fine and surgery was to be as scheduled, however after surgery, she has to go back to her doctor because he saw a spot on the Xray of her lung and will need to check it out...

Tuesday night I drove to exit 82 and got there around 11.... went to bed around 12....

Wednesday....
woke up at 4:30..... showered and got dressed and ready to go to the hospital by 6:30.... arrived at the hospital at 7:30.... went to the family waiting room at 8:30..... surgery started at 12:30.... went to get lunch at 12:30..... fell in the parking garage at 12:45..... returned to the family waiting room at 1:30.... filled out an accident report and headed for the emergency room at 2.... Mom into recovery at 3.... returned from the emergency room with brace and crutches at 4.... Mom moved from recovery to room 7.... fed Mom first meal of the day (ice chips) 8.... headed back to exit 82 9..... chatted with rest of family 9:30.... headed for home 11:30.... went to bed 12:45....

Thursday.....
Went to work....

Friday.....
Went to work.....

A dedication to everyone in my life....

STAIND
"Intro"
thank you to the people in my life for putting up with me
and thank you for the time you sacrificed
all on account of me

[chorus]

for all the times i didn't say
the times i didn't say
for all the times i didn't say
the times i didn't say

fuck you to the jaded and the fake
like to see what you would do
fuck you and the judgements you make
we're not all perfect just like you,like you, like you

[chorus]

all the times i didn't say

[x2]

thank you to the people in my life for putting up with me

Things I learned today....

Honey is a preservative and was used to embalm Alexander the Great.....

When riding a bike for an hour, my feet fall asleep....

Banana Rum does not taste good by itself....

Ever wonder where phrases come from???

I have some strange phrases I use and they make no sense..... Here are a couple of my favorites.... The first one I don't use as much, it is more something that my Mom uses. My favorite is the middle one of course as it contains my favorite swear word!!

Dumber than owl shit.....
Fuck me running.....
Shit fire and save the matches.....

Yes, I've been a slacker....

So I can't remember how long it's been since I've posted last.... I've been tired.... Like usual, I have a whole lot of nothing to say..... Today however, I do have something to share...... I have 41 days left before I go on vacation!! I'm sure you are all jealous!! If not, take a look at the pictures of where I'll be going.....