Bree and her Christmas dick
Yep, that's what I need me some of.... Bree and her Christmas dick....
Yeah, I know that most of you have no idea what I'm referring to, so let me splane it to you....
While I was at college, I lived on campus the first 2 years. Freshman year, I had a freak of a roommate who only lived with me for about 3 months.... With this bad experience in mind, my Sophomore year I was a bit afraid of who would show up.... In walked Bree! I must admit that at first I was afraid... She was this wild and crazy looking woman who could give a shit of what anyone thought of her. She hung up a GWAR poster and wore black most of the time. After we got to know each other, I was more comfortable. I must say, there was at a point in time that I had a crush on her! I can remember when she got her "flying monkey" tattoo and she would ask me to put the slave on it so it didn't dry out. During the year we had a good time but being the lame ass I am, my crush for a straight girl took up most of my attention. By the end of the year, I had moved most of my things out with the straight girl. I've kept up with Bree over the years thru mutual friends from college.
A couple of years ago, one of our friends from college got married and Bree was asked to write a story to be read at the ceremony. That was the first time I had seen her in years. CP, Biscuit and I met up with Bree and had a lengthy conversation with her about her living in New Orleans.... This is when she told us about Christmas dick.... Although she has made a emotional commitment with another woman, they had an open relationship and she was hooking up with a man. She has always been pretty blunt and told him upfront that if he expected to put his dick inside her, he had better be opened to her fucking him in the ass with Christmas dick. Of course we were all wondering "Why do you call it Christmas dick?" Well the answer is because it is so big that the reaction is similar to that of a child opening a present on Christmas morning....
A couple of weeks later, the happy couple had a party for all their friends from the Metro area. Bree had not returned to New Orleans because she wanted to visit with a few more friends... I had gotten completely blasted* and ended up trying to avoid Biscuit so I could smoke a cigar. Once the cigar incident was over, Bree and I sat at the bar, drank more and I rolled her a couple of her hand rolled cigarettes. We then slow danced to a Sarah Mac song. It was on that dance floor while she was holding me tight and we were both singing to each other I realized that I still had a bit of a crush on her...
*This was the infamous night I crawled across the kitchen floor crying because I could not remember how to take a shower!
Yeah, I know that most of you have no idea what I'm referring to, so let me splane it to you....
While I was at college, I lived on campus the first 2 years. Freshman year, I had a freak of a roommate who only lived with me for about 3 months.... With this bad experience in mind, my Sophomore year I was a bit afraid of who would show up.... In walked Bree! I must admit that at first I was afraid... She was this wild and crazy looking woman who could give a shit of what anyone thought of her. She hung up a GWAR poster and wore black most of the time. After we got to know each other, I was more comfortable. I must say, there was at a point in time that I had a crush on her! I can remember when she got her "flying monkey" tattoo and she would ask me to put the slave on it so it didn't dry out. During the year we had a good time but being the lame ass I am, my crush for a straight girl took up most of my attention. By the end of the year, I had moved most of my things out with the straight girl. I've kept up with Bree over the years thru mutual friends from college.
A couple of years ago, one of our friends from college got married and Bree was asked to write a story to be read at the ceremony. That was the first time I had seen her in years. CP, Biscuit and I met up with Bree and had a lengthy conversation with her about her living in New Orleans.... This is when she told us about Christmas dick.... Although she has made a emotional commitment with another woman, they had an open relationship and she was hooking up with a man. She has always been pretty blunt and told him upfront that if he expected to put his dick inside her, he had better be opened to her fucking him in the ass with Christmas dick. Of course we were all wondering "Why do you call it Christmas dick?" Well the answer is because it is so big that the reaction is similar to that of a child opening a present on Christmas morning....
A couple of weeks later, the happy couple had a party for all their friends from the Metro area. Bree had not returned to New Orleans because she wanted to visit with a few more friends... I had gotten completely blasted* and ended up trying to avoid Biscuit so I could smoke a cigar. Once the cigar incident was over, Bree and I sat at the bar, drank more and I rolled her a couple of her hand rolled cigarettes. We then slow danced to a Sarah Mac song. It was on that dance floor while she was holding me tight and we were both singing to each other I realized that I still had a bit of a crush on her...
*This was the infamous night I crawled across the kitchen floor crying because I could not remember how to take a shower!
posted by shug | 10:26 PM
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