You're too gay

You know the one thing I like about living alone? I can be as gay as I want to be. I can watch Logo and the L Word all day and no one can tell me to do any different.....

In my relationship with 87 there were 2 things that killed me... one when she told me since I didn't have a child I didn't know how to raise one and the other was when she told me I was being too gay. I watched too many gay movies and things on TV. I guess I should have known then that things were going to end. I spent 22 years of my life not understanding or accepting myself and it hurt like hell to have the person who was supposed to care so much about me say that being myself was too much. The fact is that I'm gay! The fact is, I'm surrounded by straight all the time and I don't feel that it is a bad thing that when I turn to movies and TV when I want to feel like I'm not out there by myself. I've spent a long time feeling ashamed of the feelings I have.

My family and friends have been as accepting as they can be, but I think that a lot of them still harbor a hope that this is a phase and soon I will find a man and get married and have children. It's not a phase; I'm not going to change. Since I was a young kid I've been attracted to women. In high school, I spent so much time denying who I am and making an ass out of myself to prove to others that I was not "different". Now, I like to spend time doing things that don't make me feel "different". I love to go to places, watch movies and TV where I can feel the same as everyone else. I guess that I've lived so much of my life outside the box that I don't feel it is too much to want to be inside the box.....